Hope you all are having a good week! I’ve had a productive week so far. Today is Mental Health Day and I wanted to share my story with my readers since I haven’t shared in detail.
Before Pregnancy
I was scared to death. I didn’t know what to expect and wanted everything to be okay. I worried that I wouldn’t be a good mother (I’ll explain this.) I developed anxiety while thinking about having a baby and postpartum anxiety after. I had honestly never imagined myself taking care of a baby. I’m the only child and the oldest girl cousin in my intermediate family. WHAT THE HECK WAS I DOING? I had spent my whole life trying NOT to get pregnant and now I’m I was making the decision to try. I was scared, seriously.
+ Mama Style: Dress | Necklace | Shoes + Sweet T: Dress | Shoes
During Pregnancy
During pregnancy (and after), I developed Prenatal OCD. Cleaning constantly and EVERYTHING needed to be in order and neat. (I’ve since gotten better.) I still do a lot of sorting when things aren’t in order. I feel anxious when I know something is out of place. But I realize that it’s okay and it’s not the end of the world.
After Pregnancy
After pregnancy, I developed depression from having to leave her every day to go to work. I had a few panic attacks which lead me to see a counselor. Work was stressful and I was doing a lot of physical work. Coming back from one of my work trips, I started to quit. I came home not wanting to go back in because of my working environment and because I didn’t want to leave my daughter again. I didn’t want to feel bad for needing to stay home while my daughter was sick. Sweet T really made me happy during those times. It’s amazing your baby needs you but you need them more.
Postpartum
After the panic attacks, I decided to see a counselor. I couldn’t even imagine myself going to a therapist. What kind of woman would I be to not control my own thoughts and feelings? After seeing a counselor for a few months, MY LIFE CHANGED. MY THOUGHTS CHANGED. MY OUTCOME WAS DIFFERENT. Talking to her made me realize a lot of the situations I’d been through that shaped my thinking. And it was a relief to get those feelings resolved and upfront.
My counselor helped organize my thoughts, allowed me to be vulnerable and just get it out. That’s all I needed. I just needed someone to talk to who could respond back. Our family and friends are great listeners, but sometimes we need that fulfillment back to tell us it is okay without judgment. And honestly, that’s all I needed. I needed to talk it out unfiltered and from the heart.
I hope this encourages you to do what’s best for you. I knew that I wasn’t strong enough to keep thinking I could do this by myself. And yes, I had my friends and family by my side. But seeing a professional who understands and has studied these situations is the BEST decision I ever made.
Don’t ever be afraid to take care of yourself. Shine no matter what you are going through!
